"It Ain't Just a River in Egypt"

Mark Twain is credited with the famous quote “Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.;” a humorous phrase that deals with a humorless human trait; someone unable or unwilling to acknowledge reality. We all have this defense mechanism, and it can be useful in the short term to cushion a shock and allow us more time to accept an overwhelming blow. However, denial over a longer term can cause damage, and denial around money matters can be devastating.

So many people live in denial when it comes to money. If we don’t look at the credit card statements, we don’t have to think about how much we owe. If we don’t question a salesperson who promises too-good-to-believe results, we don’t have to acknowledge that they might be taking advantage of us. If we don’t see all the things our overspending partner brings home, we don’t have to experience the pain of confronting the behavior. 

Financial denial is not so much about money as it is avoiding emotional pain. There is often a feeling of shame around financial mistakes, that we “should have known better.” Even financial setbacks that are not the result of any mistake or misjudgment can result in a sense of shame. Financial denial is not always about negative financial circumstances. There are successful people who avoid acknowledging the truth that they are wealthy. Again, this is often about shame.

Overcoming denial is rarely done by “forcing someone to face reality.” Shaming and blaming someone in denial is not helpful. This is true whether we are blaming ourselves, one partner is accusing another, or financial professionals lecturing clients. Confrontational approaches like these are more likely to cause the person who is in denial to dig deeper rather than confront the problem.

A more effective approach is to begin by understanding that someone who is in denial is not acting illogically. There is a protective intention behind the denial. Exploring that intention with courageous curiosity rather than judgment, can open the door to accepting the truth and beginning to change. 

Cheers!

-Steve H.